10 Hilarious Mother’s Day Jokes From Your Favorite Comedians

Friendly reminder: It’s time to scramble and report your mother a last-minute reward once more. No, it isn’t Christmas or her birthday—except her birthday occurs to fall on Mother’s Day; wherein case, fortunate you!

Anyway, yeah, the day somebody you’ve got by no means met determined it is advisable to give your mom much more consideration than she already will get is lastly right here. We notice Mother’s Day is not a vacation designed for everybody’s enjoyment, in order a comfort, this is an inventory we put collectively of some jokes on the topic to assist get you thru the festivities (or lack thereof).

10. JAY LENO

“Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.”

9. COLIN JOST

(*10*)

8. BILL MAHER

“This Mother’s Day, all Americans must pause and extend a special thanks to the women who maintain our homes, who take care of our children, and who still make time for sex with dad. I’m talking, of course, about our nannies.”

7. JOAN RIVERS

“The best gift you can ever give mom is just understanding that, right or wrong, she did her best. But also, a nice diamond heart wouldn’t kill you, you ungrateful turd.”

6. JIM GAFFIGAN

“I feel we would all agree, nobody deserves a whole day greater than moms. But if I’m being trustworthy, why I actually cherish Mother’s Day, it is as a result of it ushers in Father’s Day Month. Yes, you heard that proper: Father’s Day Month. I’m conscious the idea is new to a lot of you, and I perceive ‘Father’s’ ‘Day’ ‘Month’ is a bit of a mouthful. But I feel we would all agree, nobody deserves a whole month greater than Dads. Well, a few of you’d agree. Well, a current Uber driver actually favored the concept of ​​Father’s Day Month.”

5. BOBBY SLAYTON

“By the way, Mother’s Day’s not really about your mother. Not unless you’re 12 years old. I mean, if your mom is still alive, gentlemen, what do you do? You call her up, you take her out for brunch if she lives nearby. If not, you send her flowers, you hope you’re still in the will…”

4. DAVID SPADE

“The solely factor dangerous about Mother’s Day is it is near Father’s Day. And on Father’s Day, I’ve to get along with my actual dad and go to some pleased hour and take a look at women. It’s so awkward. I’ll say, ‘Hey, dad, uh, that lady’s doable.’ And he’ll chime in, ‘I’ll inform ya who’s doable, your mother.’”

3. JOHNNY CARSON

“Kids in Beverly Hills on Mother’s Day, it is tough. They have to buy a card for their real mother, one for their stepmother, one for their future mother, and one for the housekeeper who really raises them.”

2. NORM MACDONALD

“Arriving back in the US after his week in London, OJ Simpson was asked by a reporter why he hadn’t spent Mother’s Day with his children. A visibly annoyed Simpson replied, ‘Idiot! I didn’t spend Mother’s Day with my kids because I killed their mother.'”

1. GEORGE CARLIN

“You know what they ought to have? Motherfucker’s Day. The day after Mother’s Day ought to be Motherfucker’s Day. Actually, when you think about it, Father’s Day is Motherfucker’s Day.”