Jon Stewart Asks What ‘Daddy’ Brought Back From China
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Close Friends
President Trump returned from China last Friday after spending a number of days with China’s chief, Xi Jinping.
Jon Stewart addressed his viewers, asking in the event that they felt safer now that “Daddy’s back home.”
“He was gone for a couple of days in China. We were scared: ‘Oh, where’s daddy? I’m so scared. Where’s daddy?’ But now he’s home, and I’m sure he brought us all the goodies from China.’” — JON STEWART
While President Trump said his meetings went well, there were few major deals announced during the visit.
“So, nothing? You obtained nothing! You flew to China, what’s it, 400 million miles? I do not understand how far it’s to China — far! You flew there to personally confront our rival superpower on the escalating commerce and geopolitical tensions between us, and all you got here again with was his Instagram? [imitating Trump] ‘The tariffs are in place, however we’re on the shut associates story now. Well, he is on mine.’” —JON STEWART
“He’s like a bull in a china shop. Or, obviously, as they call it over there, a shop.” —JON STEWART
The Punchiest Punchlines (Dad, You’re Embarrassing Us Edition)
“The president made a trip to China to see all of the factories where his America First merchandise is made. You got to check on the hats.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“It seemed like he had fun. He eats this stuff up. The pageantry, whenever he visits a foreign land, it’s like a 5-year-old at their birthday party.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“He’s so embarrassing on these trips. Give that man a parade, he’ll give you anything you want.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
Stephen Colbert shared a never-before-seen sketch a few pigeon that appears like Michael Keaton on Monday’s particular “The Worst of ‘The Late Show.’”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Wanda Sykes will promote her new Netflix stand-up particular on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
