Long-distance isn’t a deal breaker for Gen Z-ers. It’s a goal.

India Roby, 26, had a lot of luck on dating apps right up until COVID-19 hit. Prior to lockdown, most of her romantic encounters originated on the apps. But after?

“I feel like the vibes changed,” she tells Yahoo. “I was like, I don’t know if dating apps are going to be successful. I don’t think I’m going to find someone on dating apps anymore.”

Roby was scrolling on She jokingly created a profile — questions ranged from “Are you in love with me at first sight?” to “Are you down for a night of plotting and scheming?” — and posted it on her social media. The second person to fill out the questionnaire was a guy who was friends with someone Roby knew through work. The catch? I have lived on the other side of the country, in California. Still, curiosity won over, and she arranged a call for them to chat.

“I didn’t want to do long-distance at the time,” she says. “I just wanted to hop on this call out of courtesy for this [mutual] friend. But we just clicked, and that’s how I met my partner.” They’ve been together for 10 months.

Dating long-distance has historically been seen in the world of romance as a tragic, impossible crossroads in a relationship. Roman Holiday, Sex and the City, Normal People — there is no shortage of examples of distance as the ultimate buzzkill between two lovers. But in a generation of digitally forward, independently minded daters, Gen Z is increasingly opting for long-distance love instead of shying away from it. For some, it’s even become a goal. Posts on TikTok laud the distance as “love at it’s [sic] PUREST form” and an opportunity to continue focusing on yourself. “Because they’re not here or closer, I can focus on me, still. I can still focus on my wants, my hopes and dreams, my goals. I can still focus on my life more than I would if they were down the street,” one TikToker put it. “Sleep more, WAY more productive, eat healthier, go out with the girls, locked TF in, consistent schedule and talk to my man on [FaceTime] every night,” another long-distance girlfriend gushed in a viral TikTok.

Tash L., 23, never intended to go long-distance with her boyfriend of almost two years, but an irresistible new job offer ended up splitting the couple across states. They’ve been long-distance for six months — and Tash actually sees a lot of value in this period of their relationship.

“Every time we reunite, the relationship feels renewed and more meaningful,” she tells Yahoo. “Being apart makes you truly appreciate the small, everyday moments, such as eating meals together, cuddling, waking up next to each other, brushing your teeth side by side, going for walks or even running simple errands like grocery shopping. Those ordinary moments become special because you no longer take them for granted.”

She believes that their time apart has brought them closer — emotionally, at least. “The distance also forces you to learn how to resolve conflict without the comfort of a hug, which makes communication more honest and thoughtful,” she says. “You learn how the other person handles change, values ​​time and money — especially with travel involved — and whether they’re willing to adjust schedules or time zones to make space for you. You also see whether you’re genuinely part of their future plans.”

It’s the kind of intentionality that she often sees missing from modern dating. Tash’s single girlfriends have often complained about the difficulties of dating for people searching for long-term commitment; between ghosting, situationships and the seemingly bottomless pool of men who “aren’t ready for something serious,” inconsistency is a recurring theme. Roby says that it’s something she also often dealt with when she was swiping on apps and dating people in her area. Getting to know someone who was logistically inconvenient meant that the love wasn’t just a feeling, but an active choice.

Meeting someone who lived far away also affirmed Roby’s suspicion that her person was simply not in New York City, where she was living at the time. “There’s so many people and yet the vibes are just not there,” she says of the city’s dating culture. “And our soulmates can be literally from anywhere. They can come into your life at a time when you least expect it.”

This era of social media and remote work has opened up all kinds of possibilities for young adults, who are connected by digital threads well beyond their immediate surroundings. They might do yoga over Zoom with an instructor living in Australia, or bond with a favorite coworker they’ve never actually met in real life. They can also meet singles living all over the world by simply adjusting their location to a different city, country or continent on a dating app. If you’re bored by the guys in your town, why not see if there’s anyone in Miami or Montreal worth talking to?

“Dating apps like Hinge and Tinder allow people to connect across different cities, and remote work and flexible schedules have made physical distance feel more manageable,” Tash points out. “With FaceTime, constant messaging and shared digital spaces, staying emotionally connected is easier than before.”

In Roby’s case, dating someone on a different coast also allowed her to take the pressure off her romantic expectations. When she first met her now-partner, she was grappling with low self-confidence that made dating fraught. She was prone to feeling anxiety during the early stages of dating, worrying about being too needy, too much, too attached. But having physical distance gave her the perspective to see beyond the roller coaster of emotions.

“I was a completely different person,” she says. “I was like, it is what it is, and it will be what it will be. I was open to long-distance as long as this person showed interest and he showed that he really wanted to pursue me. That’s exactly what happened, so… when it came time to talk about the next step of our relationship, it just made sense.”

Social media has also done a lot to showcase the ins and outs of what a long-distance relationship looks like — highlighting the struggles while also romanticizing the personal freedom it can often bring. Video formats like “surprising my long-distance boyfriend” track millions upon millions of views, and apps like Locket are designed to showcase the intimacy and romance of being apart.

“The reason why the stigma is fading around long-distance relationships is because of social media, like TikTok and stuff,” says Roby. “There’s probably people who are seeing that content and seeing that, EITHERh, long distance isn’t as bad as people think. It is doable.”

It can also align with Gen Z’s ambition and interest in using this time of their lives to pursue personal fulfillment. “People are also more willing to prioritize career opportunities or personal growth, even if that means being apart for a period of time,” Tash says. “Because of this, long-distance is often seen as a means to an end rather than a permanent state.” A new job or far-flung school doesn’t have to be a watershed moment that ends a relationship; it can be a manageable pivot that gives both people in a couple the space to pursue their individual ambitions while remaining “together.”

That’s the case for John V., 28, who met his partner in college. They’ve been together for seven years, but now that he’s in dental school and she’s pursuing a medical degree, they’ve been long-distance for the past six months. It’s not an arrangement they love, but right now it’s what works best for them.

“We were not pumped about doing long distance,” he tells Yahoo. “We are pumped that she’s pursuing what she truly wants for her career, and I support her fully.”

Of course, transitioning to long-distance has its struggles. Tash says there are days when she still misses being close to her boyfriend, and John admits that adjusting to not seeing each other every day has been difficult.

“Yapping in person is much better than yapping over the phone,” he says. “And we have different schedules, so sometimes the expectation to have a 25-minute yap isn’t synchronized. [But] “This hasn’t caused any arguments or resentment.”

Tash warns people against jumping headfirst into long-distance relationships. “They still require a level of patience, trust and emotional discipline that not everyone is willing or able to commit to,” she says.

Or, as John more bluntly puts it: “They don’t really make any sense to me if you don’t have a long time horizon in your crystal ball with that person.”

Eventually, though, the goal for everyone who spoke to Yahoo is to close the distance. Roby and her partner recently moved in together, which has presented new comforts and also new challenges to their relationship. It’s something that she never expected to happen. “I wouldn’t say that I chose long distance, even,” she laughs. “Long distance chose me.”